ELSIE SPRUILL

S: I have returned this month to continue the celebration of the year of the child. Children are our most precious gifts and they are our future. We are the “Village” responsible for guiding them with wisdom and love in order that they become as successful as possible in their adult life. Sadly enough, sometimes we have to use a special kind of love to wrap around a child who has been harmed at the hands of adults.


Allow me to introduce you to a wonderful lady whom I had the occasion to listen to her share about her life in such a powerful way, I kept wanting to go up to the podium and give her a loving hug to gain some of her energy. I am talking about Ms. Elsie Spruill, a Baltimore, Maryland Author of the children’s book, “Dear God.” As we chat up close and personal with Ms. Spruill, you will understand quickly why we have to pay close attention to what our children are dealing with in today’s society and rush to protect them. Ms. Spruill, would you please tell us about your book, “Dear God?”


E: Thank you, Ms. Coleman.


S: Please, call me Swaggie.


E: Ok, Sistah Swaggie, “Dear God” is a book written with special emphasis for children from the ages of 7 to 70. (SMILE) I’ve added age 70 because a 70-year-old woman bought the book for her daughter only to discover that she was still living in a home where she was being abused both physically and verbally by her own husband. So this book encourages people of all ages that Domestic Violence is unacceptable behavior! “Dear God” will make an even greater impact in the months to come and perhaps it will be nominated for awards, etc. I’m just happy that it has impacted so many families and individuals to bring awareness.


S: Please continue… What is “Dear God?”


E: “Dear God” is actually a prayer. It is a faith-based book to empower children, families, teachers, and community leaders to pay attention to children who seem to be “at risk” and enduring Domestic Violence in their homes. Children still have no voice.


S: What motivated you to write this book for these ‘abused’ children?


E: Domestic Violence was in our home and my step-son would write letters to God about the abuse we were experiencing in our home. He passed away at age 27 and at that point, I knew I had to do something to honor him so I wrote, “Dear God.”


S: Why do you feel this book is necessary today?


E: Many homes, many of whom we know and some we don’t, are experiencing acts of Domestic Violence. We need an outlet. We need a voice for everyone who is going through this very traumatic experience and so my hope and prayer is that “Dear God” will somehow provide that voice.


S: That is very powerful. What message do you want for young readers to walk away with after reading “Dear God?”


E: A message of Hope – of Empowerment and Strength to walk free and away from Domestic Violence. Violence is not love.


S: You are absolutely correct! Folks, please purchase a copy of this life-changing book by visiting www.milliganbooks.com or by contacting Ms. Spruill directly at spruillelsie@hotmail.com. The topic of Domestic Violence is a very stigmatized and awkward topic for people to discuss openly. Knowing this, how can a parent begin to introduce such a topic to a child?


E: Simply by opening the line of communication with a child. Notice the behavior of a child and establish a friendly relationship with the child. Let the child know he/she can trust you and from that point, simply dialogue.


S: How can a parent or community leader prevent a child from being a victim of Domestic Violence?


E: I’m not certain that we’ve reached a place of prevention yet, but we can assure children that action can be taken if we are made aware that such violent acts are existing in their lives.


S: After reading, “Dear God,” I realized that church leaders still keep this a secret matter in their congregation. Why do you believe this is so difficult for church leaders to address or seek help?


E: Because no one wants to get involved. Church leaders fear losing their leadership and or membership if they get involved. They still view Domestic Violence as “something that should not be discussed and is a private matter” when in fact, it isn’t private at all, it’s everyone’s problem.


S: Then why aren’t there ministries for every child on Domestic Violence?


E: Again, it takes awareness. People often turn a deaf ear to family matters; even family members encourage children to be “HUSH, HUSH!” so to speak, when it comes to telling something bad about their parents.


S: How does a congregant, including the first lady, seek help against Domestic Violence in their church family?


E: Pray, Pray, and Pray is all I know to advise a first lady who is considering seeking help against Domestic Violence. This is a tough issue. I wasn’t a first lady, but we were very active in our church and when I approached my pastor about what I was experiencing; he asked me not to discuss it with anyone else and that HE would pray for us. The only way out for me was to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and get a plan together and work the plan.


S: What do we need to know to aide a victim to seek help?


E: It’s necessary to know that victims are very, very afraid and that fear encompasses them daily. Therefore, one must gently find a way to console a victim of Domestic Violence and it’s a matter of building trust and giving them hope. It’s not an easy task.


S: I certainly agree to that. How do we teach our children to seek help from schools?



E: Well-l, we let them know it’s ok to tell somebody and to continue to tell their principal or teacher no matter what the results are children must be encouraged to TELL SOMEONE!


S: I have heard some arguments that God allows Domestic Violence for a reason. What in the world is that all about?

E: It’s not about ANYTHING! God does not allow Domestic Violence. We, the individuals who have gotten into situations where we are abused, sometimes knowingly and other times unknowingly, are allowing Domestic Violence.


Once violence has been inflicted upon us, we must get a plan together to leave the situation. God does not condone violence. In Proverbs 22:


Make no friendship with an angry man and with a furious man thou
shall not go, least you learn of his way and take a snare to your soul.


So, if we continue with an abusive man; our souls become lost. God is a God of salvation. He’s in the business of saving souls.


S: Amen? Amen! Then what is wrong with men who physically and emotionally harm a spouse or children?


E: It could be that some men were abused themselves as children. In my case, after researching my ex-husband’s childhood, I’ve concluded that he had so many hidden issues from his childhood regarding his mother until he truly does not know how to love and he also harbors resentment for his mother and, therefore, has a mistrust and hatred for women. He only knows how to abuse and he also knows how to suppress his abusive nature which did not surface at all during our four- year courtship.


S: Unbelievable! What are the symptoms readers should be aware of in a child and for an adult who are victims of Domestic Violence?


E: That is a good question. The answer is that Domestic Violence can be hidden so well in adults until it is oftentimes very difficult to recognize it in adults. Children on the other hand tend to act out at school by hitting, name calling, etc. Adults also cover up their bruises very well and they suppress every blow and internal pain they are experiencing. No one ever knew I was battered because I knew how to hide it and I hid it because of fear of my spouse’s threats to kill us all.


S: Oh, my God! Do you believe it is typical for Domestic Violence to increase during economically difficult times such as what America is facing today?


E: Absolutely! Yes, I do because marriages and relationships are always in trouble because of finances so during difficult economical times, it worsens and tempers build up due to the hardships of job loss and the inability to provide for the family.


S: How should a spouse respond if her mate has lost a job in order to avoid becoming an abused spouse?


E: Communication, caring, and encouraging one another is the key. And, of course, pray together.


E: Well, a child can only open up and tell and we all pray that someone will hear the child when he or she speaks. Children truly have no voice.


S: We have all heard about the tragic Domestic Abuse situation that two popular singers were involved in. I read many, many articles, comments, and blogs blaming one or the other for starting the “fight.” Is it ever anybody’s fault when Domestic Violence occurs?


E: “FAULT?” Domestic Violence is a sickness; it’s a devastating illness that has usually transferred from generation to generation. Hitting is not an option in any situation but as we read; we see that people tend to think it’s ok to resolve a matter by hitting rather than walking away when you know you have an anger problem. Sometimes individuals provoke people to anger knowing they will hit them. This is a SICKNESS!


S: Using the singers alleged situation, how should a lady act if another woman is “secretly” contacting her spouse? For example, should she pack up and leave or hit the spouse?


E: She should confront the issue with her spouse maturely, responsibly, and intelligently. I see no need in going to the “other woman.” Check in with your mate first – if you agree with what he has shared with you and you feel it can be repaired, stay. If not, leave and shake the dust off your feet. There are other finer fish in the sea than staying and hitting or to be hit on.


S: Of course, now how should a man behave when his mate has angered him over another woman?


E: WALK AWAY, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND FIND THE EXIT!!


S: When is relationship counseling necessary?


E: In any situation where things are getting heated and a resolution doesn’t seem possible, but you both want to save the relationship.


S: Ok. When is it obvious that relationship counseling is not working and the individuals should separate or end the relationship?


E: I believe the individuals involved in the relationship and the counselor would be the only persons whom would know, and be able to conclude, that the relationship is not salvageable.


S: Thank you. And how do you find the courage to tell your story to strangers?


E: I’m set free and very thankful that I’ve survived. I should, and could, have died on at least two occasions. I find comfort in living to share my story because I feel people will respect my truth and make sound decisions for their lives after hearing my story.


S: And you are absolutely correct. This is very sad. How does a church community reach out to families to decrease Domestic Violence in the home?


E: Well, churches should make it a point, from the pulpit to the pews, that Domestic Violence will not be tolerated in the church. I know of only one pastor who has made it very clear that he will see the violent offenders in his church be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. That is Pastor Hagee in San Antonio, Tx.


S: Amen? Amen! Whose business is it really when there is a Domestic disturbance in your neighborhood?


E: It’s everyone’s business! We should take a strong stand against Domestic Violence. Domestic Violence leads to other negative consequences such as emotional instability, drug or alcohol abuse, or unemployment, etc. The worst thing is that children grow up to become abusers themselves and we cannot go on with allowing this SICKNESS to continue.


S: What about in your family such as a sister, niece, or cousin?


E: Allow the family member to know and understand that you are there to help them when and if they need you.


S: I have to ask, why do so many women stay in a relationship and suffer with Domestic Abuse?


E: Fear, shame, no monies, and no place to go except to a shelter. Domestic Violence victims lose everything when we leave. But we gain our freedom.


S: Amen? Amen! Is it true that children really do grow into abusers themselves?


E: If they do not receive counseling and support and encouragement, they can inherit such violent behaviors.


S: Can you look at situations like the one involving the two popular singers and say to yourself, “Yes, he (or she) came from a home with Domestic Violence?”


E: Yes, I can usually tell.


S: Uhmm-hmph, thank you. What are the “tell-tale” signs?


E: Control, separating you from friendships, family, and any goals you may have had. Also, transferring properties you may have owned and purchasing properties in one or both names so that you become solely dependent upon your spouse. I wish I had known these things when I was married.


S: Well, I pray that our readers, both male and female, reach out for help. Where can readers purchase your book, “Dear God?”


E: Yes, readers can purchase the book, “Dear God” from www.MilliganBooks.com. and Greetings and Readings in Hunt Valley or by emailing me at spruillelsie@hotmail.com.


S: Will you write another book on such a passionate social issue?


E: Yes, I’m working on a novel at this time.


S: Let me ask you, how difficult is it to get a speaking engagement because of the topic or is it a factor?


E: Believe me it’s not readily or easily accepted. People are still slightly apprehensive and fearful of the topic, but I hope to do more to open up the subject where it will be received more. I’m working on a stage production for Domestic Violence.


S: You will definitely have to return to share more about that project. Now, are schools open to having this topic discussed?


E: No, not very much at all.


S: What about the children’s literature market, is it even harder when you have this type of social issue as the theme?


E: Yes, because who and what child will have permission to be interviewed?


S: Ok, I hate to wrap up about this serious issue, but before we part, how does a victim find the help he or she needs to escape Domestic Violence?


E: There are many venues such as the national Domestic Violence hotline and many local shelters. I highly recommend Sojourn Services for battered Women and their Children as an avenue for anywhere the victim is residing. This organization is very helpful. Just do a Google search.


S: Yes, and people can also contact First Call For Help, a United Way of Central Maryland organization at 1-800-492-0618. One last question: How does a victim of Domestic Violence learn to trust again?


E: It takes a lifetime of working on oneself and empowering yourself and learning to discern people as they come to you. Domestic Violence victims become more cautious in our friendships and relationships because we MUST. It seems that the spirit of violence tries to track us down and so we stay on guard as we put our trust in God to define our relationships.


S: Amen? Amen! I regret that we have run out of time. Thank you, Sistah Elsie, for opening up to us and I pray that at least one child and/or family be saved through your efforts.


Thank you. www.MilliganBooks.com; spruillelsie@hotmail.com; or at Greetings & Readings in Hunt Valley, Maryland.